So, there have been quite a few people asking how we are doing? Of course their first question is how is Hudson, but the next one is how are me and Jason. So I thought I would do a post to let you know how we are and what the past 21 days at home has been like...
I'm not going to tell a little fib, the first few days at home were really hard on me, I thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion. After 15 min. of sleep in 24 hours and only a few hours the night before then coming home with a baby, it was rough. The night we got home Jason started throwing up and continued to for the next 3 nights, barely getting out of bed. So I went at it by myself. Hudson would wake up during the night and I would be on my feet in .02 seconds. I thought I was a light sleeper before, but now any little bitty noise and I'm straight up in bed. Especially with the monitor on, I can hear him breath. So I've learned to cut the monitor off if I want to sleep for more than 15 min. at a time. Our house is only 900 square feet on the bottom and his room is very close to ours, I can hear him just fine without the monitor! Anyways, after 3 nights of this and Jason being sick, I told Jason I didn't know what I was going to do if I didn't sleep. So he prayed and said, "Lord, you told us to come to you and you would give us rest and we REALLY need some rest!" That night Hudson didn't make a peep and I actually slept!
Once Jason got to feeling better and I was sleeping more things were much better! Jason has been awesome helping me out at the barn. I have only fed 2 mornings since we've been home. He's really spoiling me. I really do have an awesome man, but don't ask me that when the trash has been needing to be taken out for 3 days HA! HA! It got to the point that I HAD to get out of the house! I had a horse come in for training and so now I HAVE to go out and ride and I'm LOVIN it! So I'm riding 3 horses every afternoon and it just makes things different for me, is that weird? I have to be outside. I can't wait til it warms up since Hudson enjoys it so much, too.
Jason has been working on and off. I love the flexibility he has in the winter but do not love the income! But I would much rather have him home more right now than working 12 hours a day. He is a great dad and Hudson thinks he's a big play toy. He LOVES his "Dada" and says his name constantly. It bothers Jason that he won't go to sleep on him or lay on him much, but he won't because he's so busy wanting to play with him. Jason is very helpful with him, too, and much to my amazement changes diapers and does some of the dirty work.
The whole eating thing has been EXTREMELY rough. Hudson is having texture issues and they are not fun. It got to the point that my stomach would be in knots everytime I was going to feed him. I thought it was a battle of the wills at first and he was NOT going to beat me. I've backed off now and thing are more relaxing and less stressful on the two of us. It really helped me the other night when I was reading about biological children having this problem and the moms were all encouraging one another telling others who were going through it that it will take time. Same thing the dr. told us. So I guess I can't control everthing and am going to have to let him take his time. What was funny tough is when Jason was telling me he didn't want me to stress out about it and make a big deal about it. Fine, I said, you feed him. When Jason got done he was stressed, too, and I haven't heard anything out of him about me relaxing over it! The Dr. said give it a few months and if if isn't any better then we will see a specialist. They may have to send me to a specialist, too :)
After 5 1/2 years of marriage, 5 1/2 years of just us, it's been so different these past 3 weeks. We were so used to talking all the time (at least 10x's on the phone and then lots at home) and used to going wherever, whenever. Finally the other night we stayed up late talking and wrestling, and just being us. I needed that. I need the old us and the new us. This past week has felt the best for me as far as mine and Jason's relationship goes. Don't go thinking crazy things, it wasn't bad the past few weeks, just different. Now we are figuring out how to balance a 17 month old, evolve around nap time, potty time, eating, and find time to communicate with each other.
There are a few things I need in my day. 1. Quiet time with my Lord, which I wasn't doing up until this week when I realized nap time is perfect for it. 2. My man! 3. The Cosby Show which also comes on during nap time. 4. Being on top of a 4 legged beast and feeling the wind against my face! Praise God, we're getting there. I'm sure there will be great days and not so good days, but we'll get there.
This is definitely not the easiest thing we've ever done, but we didn't go into it thinking it would be. But there's nothing in this whole entire world sweeter than your own child laying on your chest and falling to sleep. Or lighting up when you walk into the room and reaching out for you. Or walking up saying "Lala" (aka Larry from the Veggie Tales), handing you the book then wanting to sit in your lap while you read it to him, even if you are trying to type a mile long blog post!
6 comments:
Thank you Lindsey for the update. We look everyday for pictures and stories. All you are feeling is normal for a new mom! you are in my prayers! We are dying to meet and squeeze you and him!Blessings and love, Robin
It sounds like things are starting to settle down. Hudson certainly looks happy. And he is so adorable. I do envy you though. I have always loved horses, having a grandpa who used to raise them and was in the rodeo and later into jumping. Living where I do, there's no way I can have one. It is my dream. Lucky you to get to ride so often.
Melissa
Hi Lindsey! What a great post! Thanks for sharing your heart! I'm sorry the food thing is causing you so much stress! It'll come -- maybe about the time y'all can be outside more and he comes inside hungry enough to devour a bear! Does he let you put a toothbrush in there?
I know what you mean about the adjustment -- everything you used to do is turned upside down! For us, it was the spontenaity of just going somewhere on a whim. One time shortly after we brought her home we almost left Ellie asleep in her crib to join some friends at Dairy Queen and then we were like, "Uh, oh! I can't believe we almost did that!" It's a new way of living!
Wow, this rings so familiar!
Like you, Dede & I were married for quite awhile (12 years!) before we got Liam and we were certainly accustomed to a much different lifestyle. And like you, we sometimes struggle to even talk to each other with all the interruptions. You're right in that there's a real art to balancing everything. But just as you said, it's not bad - just very different.
Things will level out though. You'll find your rhythm. I think having a very structured routine is especially good for our little guys because it's all they ever knew in the orphanage. Routine is comforting to them and can be a real sanity-saver for you.
Reading other adoption blogs, food seems to be an issue of adopted children. Just offering a Graham Cracker or simmilar. Monkey see monkey do. As another blogger stated, he is used to a structured life and getting use to a new one is hard on everyone. Love him and give him time. Find time for the grown man in your life, that is the glue1
Hang in there Lindsey. The eating thing is so frustrating, but it will come and if it doesn't you will work it out. Emma is doing so much better, but she has those moments still. The funny thing is she still makes a gagging sound to get my attention and she just smiles when she does it. Little Rat. Although we have the boys, they are so much older it has been like completely starting over again, so I know how you feel. I have been feeling a little post "partumish" the last few days, so I can relate. But above all, cut yourself some slack. Parenting is a really hard job and we all beat ourselves up sometimes. You are doing great and Hudson is adorable and seems to be adjusting well. Call me soon!
Mayme
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